T. Fay A. Walker Boyden

Colchester, Connecticut
T. Fay A. (Walker) Boyden, 89, formerly of Greenfield, passed peacefully on Sunday, April 23, 2017 at the Harrington Court Genesis Health Care Center, Colchester, CT, following a period of declining health.
A celebration of her life will be observed on Saturday, April 29, 2017, with a gathering to take place in the Terrace Room of the Deerfield Inn, from 1PM until 4PM, with a remembrance service at 2PM with Mr. Jack Cooper as the celebrant.  Interment services will be held privately in the Springdale Cemetery, Turners Falls, MA. Visiting hours are omitted. 
Expressions of affection in the form of a charitable contribution in Fay’s memory are suggested in lieu of flowers to: Alzheimer’s Disease and Related Disorders Association, 200 Executive Blvd, Suite 4B, Southington, CT  06489-1042.
               A Tribute to T. Fay A. Boyden (Mom)
  
I once heard the expression, “You don’t grow up, until you lose your Mom”.  How very meaningful and never a more true statement.  No matter how old you are….even when ‘your’ hair is gray and you and your Mom are comparing wrinkles, she is still the only one that can compliment you to tears or reprimand you into feeling like you are 10 years old again…. and completely get away with it.  And no matter how old I became, it was still my Mother than I wanted to make proud.  It was still my Mom who was the first person that I couldn’t wait to share my achievement with… as big or as little that it was.  We spend much of our lives seeking our Mother’s approval.  
 
My Mother grew up poor.  They lived on Elm Street in Greenfield…..’the other side of the tracks’ as my Mom would say….”we were as poor as a church mouse”.   I remember when she would reminisce about her own childhood.  She had 3 Brothers that she adored, Theodore or Teddy, Donald or Donnie, and Little Gerry.  Mom’s nickname was Dody….the Family to this day calls her Dody or Do….she loved to sneak the cookie dough from my Grandmother’s baking.  Mother always felt that Grandma Blanche, her Mom, really wanted a fourth boy so she spent much of her childhood being a ‘tom-boy’ and begging her Brothers to take her everywhere with them.  She would prove to them that she could keep up with the best of them….and she did !
 
She would tell me stories about the War….World War II of course….both Teddy and Donny enlisted and suddenly were gone….she was heartbroken.  She would tell stories of how she would stand in bread lines for hours on end to get food.  She told of the colored lard that the government tried to pass as margarine or butter.  How when the town sirens went off, fear would set in.  Her Mom and Dad would be glued to the radio night after night listening to that day’s war stories.  And then how she will never forget the day the war ended and the euphoria in the streets of Greenfield and all over the Country.
Donny and Teddy would come home finally !  But to this day, my Mom would say, they never came home the same….the war changed them….they were NEVER really the same.
 
My Grandma Blanche Walker suddenly became very ill….she had nervous a break down and remained bed ridden for almost a year.  My Grandfather worked for the railroad and was gone much of the time.  Thus my mother really brought up my Uncle Gerry, her only surviving Brother to this day.  She became mother and sister to him. 
 
Our mother too became very ill….with polio of all things. They thought she would never survive….who, MY mother, the survivor ?  Little did they know….yup she pulled through !  And then at the age of seven, she was struck and almost killed by an erratic driver.  They thought she would lose her right leg.  She remained in traction for over 6 months in the hospital (the Franklin County Public Hospital )and missed almost a year of school.  Because of that accident, she ended up living her whole life with a 6 inch steel plate in her leg.  Did it ever stopped her?....not my mother…. the survivor.
 
Our Mom only had a high school education, Greenfield High School.  Upon her graduation, she continued to waitress at the town’s favorite restaurant and hang out right next to the old Garden Theater in town.  That is where she met my dad….Russell Albert Boyden.  She was smitten by him. ‘ He’ came from the ‘right’ side of the tracts.  ‘He’ was a Deerfield Academy Graduate.   The fact that they felll in love didn’t surprise anyone.  My mother always had ‘the spell’….she even used to kid with us that she thought she was surely a ‘witch’ !
 
 My Mom and Dad were married on April 21^st 1946.  Our Nana, Harriet E. Boyden-Hunt, my dad’s mother, was the typical mother-in-law….no one was good enough for her son.  As usual, my mother gratefully accepted the challenge and spent the rest of Nana’s life here on earth, trying to please her.  Mother knew Nana didn’t stand a chance once she and Dad had the grandchildren, my brother Scott and Me.  Nana was the storybook Grandmother.  We could do NO WRONG in her eyes, and believe me, Scott and I took total advantage of that every day - We were the apple of her eyes !
  
Nana’s home on Federal Street was an intimate ‘Rest Home’ of sorts, for 5 elderly Ladies.  She took care of their every need and made a very good living doing it.  By then my mother had landed the job that would end up defining her, for the rest of her working career.  She was hired at the Greenfield Savings Bank.  Each and every lunch hour she would rush to my Grandmother's to help deliver meals to the ladies upstairs.  That was my first job at the ripe old age of 5, helping my mother deliver meals...that was indeed the beginning of fine tuning my Howard Johnson’s waitressing skills !  It also gave my Mother a chance to spent a few minutes of quality time with Scott and me each and every day.  Nana took care of us while Mom and Dad worked.  
 
Scott’s and my childhood was typical but wonderful.  Mother and Dad bought a small plot of land in Turners Falls in 1955.  They engaged my Uncle Edmond to build a tiny 2 bedroom, 1 bath ranch where Scott and I grew up in.  Yes if you did the math, we both shared I bedroom with a tiny little closet.   I was 5 years old when we moved into 6 Wentworth Avenue Turners Fall, MA.  And I was living very happily as an only child.  I still remember the day when my mother broke the news to me….”Sweetheart, you are going to have a baby brother”!  Hmm, I thought….we’ll see.  My mother for years loved to tell the story of how one day when Scott was about 3 months old, I went to her and quietly said, “Mom, we have given this a really good try with Scotty, but I think it is time to take him back now” !  My mother ‘loved’ to tell that story.
 
We lived in a perfect neighborhood for kiddos to grow up in.  There was an abundance of above ground swimming pools (even our own), homemade ice skating rinks in the winter, walking trails through the woods behind our house which were loaded with wild blueberries.  We would pick quarts and quarts and Mom would make blueberry pies.  Mother made that little ranch the warmest, most cozy home.  She was fastidious...the house was immaculate.  My Father would practically measure each blade of grass to be sure they were all the same height, perfectly manicured.  Holidays were paintings out of  “Currier and Ives”.  We went and hand-cut the Christmas Trees.  We went sleigh-riding and ski-doing at the Pratt Farm in Bernardston all winter.  My Brother’s Christmas present one year was one of those bright yellow original Ski-Do’s.  Every Easter we had a brand new outfit and I had a brand new hat.  Thanksgiving was where every table that could be found was alligned perfectly together just to be able to accommodate all the aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. 
 
Mother and Dad had a slew of friends.  Twelve of her closest friends from High School remained friends for years and years.  They called themselves “The Dizzy Dozen”.   Frequently Mother and Dad would have a Saturday Night get-together in our basement where Mother decided to build a lovely family room.  It had a beautiful fireplace and a huge bar (my dad’s favorite part of the room).  To this day Scott builds the best fire in the state of Connecticut, just because of that huge brick fireplace !  
 
However, Mother struggled ‘every’ month to pay the bills.  She frequently would say she had to ‘rob Peter to pay Paul’. She worked and worked and struggled and struggled.  But we never really noticed.  She wanted us to have everything she didn’t have.  Life was so much simpler then too...Scott and I wanted for nothing….we were barely a middle class family - but I felt we had ‘everything’. 
 
By now, my mother had slowly started to work her way to breaking the ‘glass ceiling’.  She was appointed to Vice President of the Greenfield for Savings Bank.  She put herself through night school for years so that she could just ‘keep up” with the ‘business world’.  She vowed that her children would have everything she didn’t...most of all an education.  Scott and I never knew you didn’t HAVE to go to college.  I felt College was like High School...everyone had to go by law, because that is what my mother instilled in us from the time we both could walk.  She was determined that we would have the very best education that she could afford.  I mentioned to Scott about a month ago that we were the first in our Family to ever graduate from College!
 
Mother ruled the household and Dad took a back seat ‘very gladly’.  He couldn’t possibly keep up with her ambition, her energy, and her determination...nor did he want to...he loved to just sit back and enjoy life.  He loved his libations, his favorite cocktail was 7 and 7 (Seagrams 7 and 7 Up for you young folk).  My mother became the bread winner, the financial guru, the doctor, the lawyer, the caretaker, the cook, the maid, the house painter...yes, she engaged Dad, Scott, and me, every 5 years or so to paint the entire house by ourselves by hand and brush.  We couldn’t afford to do it any other way and God forbid if there was even a piece of peeling paint anywhere!. 
 
Mom was always reinventing herself.  She was always trying to make a better living for her Family !  One day she decided to purchase the Cabot Lodge on High Street in Greenfield, 2 very large stucco-style buildings housing 12 rental units.  Mother refurbished the entire buildings, beautified the grounds, managed them, and acted for about 5 years as Landlord with Dad.  I remember spending all day Saturday just helping to keep up with the maintenance.
 
All year round Mother hoarded her dimes and nickels and somehow managed every summer to take us on 1 week’s vacation.  It was always the same week, the last week of July, and it was always the same place….Hampton Beach, New Hampshire.  Her parents, my Gram and Gramp, always did the same for her and her 3 brothers.  We loved it and for me, it was as good as going to Disney World.  From its honky-tonk image and fried clams, to its miniature golf and sugary-sandy beaches, I was in heaven.  We never missed a year.
 
Mother never stopped.  She climbed to the top of Eastern Star, she became the head of the United Way and in the year she reigned, they raised the most money they had ever raised in all the years before her.  She was nominated President of Savings Bank for Women of Massachusetts.  Scott and I remember living in luxury in Boston for 4 days as she was honored.  She planned and orchestrated a banquet fit for a king, with over 500 guests.  Mother had matching outfits hand-made for all of us including her mother and father, our Gram and Grampa.  Mom did everything to perfection.
 
For good or bad, she instilled in Scott and I that same “drive”...a drive to go for that “brass ring”, and never settle, you can be anything you want to be.  Don’t let anyone tell you NO...work hard, be kind, be honest, do your best...and then, do better.  She always said to go and “travel the world” for it is at your fingertips...go and see as much of this beautiful planet as you can before you have to leave it.
 
My Mom and Dad divorced after 27 years of marriage (and we had just thrown them a 25^th Anniversary Party with over 200 guests 2 years before..oh well J).  It was heartbreaking for all of us, but we all understood.  But that piece of paper really never kept Mom and Dad completely apart.  Even though mother moved to Connecticut, she would travel back and forth to Massachusetts every weekend to see us all.  Scott graduated from Mount Herman and went on to one of the finest Colleges in the country, Northeastern University.  I had graduated from the University of Massachusetts/Amherst and had moved into management at the Howard Johnson’s Restaurant and Motor Lodge in Greenfield. 
 
Mom’s whole focus of her life was around her Family.  Family was everything!  No matter how far away she moved or how successful she became, she was fully rooted, vested and engaged in her Family...it was her circle of life.  Even though she had moved to Connecticut, every single Holiday was spent together as a Family and that included Dad.  Whether it was Christmas, Father’s Day, or one of our Birthday’s, Dad was always invited.
 
With the move to Connecticut, Mother now began to fly...or shall I say soar.  She became Vice President of Mortgage Lending of Society for Savings.  During her reign at Society, she was asked by then Governor Ella Grasso, to head up and help create the now hugely successful home affordable housing program, CHFA (the Connecticut Housing Finance Authority) which has successfully put thousands and thousands of CT residents into home ownership which they otherwise could never have afforded.  Because of her success, Governor Grasso awarded Mom her own vanity license plate, BOYDEN, which I now fully enjoy.  Scott did have fist dibs, but he was smart, he didn’t want to be recognized as he rock and rolled 80 miles an hour down the streets of Colchester !
 
Mother was also asked to join President Jimmy Carter’s “Friendship Tour”,  along with representatives from all the 50 states to venture to Isreal for 2 weeks and reside with an Israely Family in an effort to create a lasting bond and build a stronger relationship between the Middle East and the United States.  That relationship between our 2 countries to this day, remains of utmost importance, especially to this new Administration.  Mother said that trip changed her life.  It was a trip of a lifetime!
 
Mother then did a short stint with an Insurance Company called TICOR.  That is when she got ‘the bug" - the bug to start her very own business.  She had, had  her fill of Corporate America.  Thus “Fay A. Boyden, Associates” was created - and the rest is history!  She opened her office at 179 Allyn Street and never looked back!  “Fay A. Boyden, Associates” was a commercial funding business.  Her job was finding construction funding for large commercial real estate projects.  She was also responsible for condominium compliance for new condominium developments for FHA and Fannie Mae. 
 
She joined forces with 3 other partners and became a Developer herself.  In 1988, construction began at Highland Farms, a hugely successful 63 unit condominium development that is thriving in Colchester to this day.  Mother now needed help and she knew it.  She cunningly lured Scott from California where he was successfully working in management at Raytheon and happily living in Thousand Oaks. Raytheon is where he met my beautiful sister-in-law, Amy.  They will be celebrating their 30^th Wedding Anniversary this September!  Mom then proceeded to lure me, and sure enough the timing was perfect.  I packed up my entire life, lock, stock, and barrel and moved to Connecticut.  Scott handled the Commercial division and I handled the Residential division. 
 
The partners decided to take on the biggest venture of their careers.  They built ‘Gothic Park’, a 50,000 square foot commercial office building dedicated largely to the medical profession.  The building had extremely close proximity to Saint Francis Hospital in Hartford...right up the street.  Gothic Park housed tenants such as “The Casey Family Foundation”, which is a very successful Foster Children Placement Service.  Gothic Park is home to many attorneys and physicians to this day.  Another notch in Mother’s belt.
 
By now our Dad had so very sadly passed away.  He was only 60 years old…a brave and wonderful soul taken way too soon.  He was diagnosed with Lymphoma in 1979 and carried out the most  courageous battle with cancer for 5 years. Mother was by his side when the Lord took him.  Just to let you know of his courage, when Dad knew it was the end, he graciously became the “ginny pig” for Doctors, in the hopes of finding a cure for lymphoma.  He allowed them to use any an all experimental drugs.  Today lymphoma is curable!  Maybe Dad helped just a little !
 
Mother and Scott decided to join forces together in 1989 and for the next many years to come, worked hand in hand creating “Boyden Real Estate”, a commercial development company responsible for condominium and commercial office development.  Scott further enhanced his Real Estate prowess and opened “Re/Max Winners Circle”.  Mother worked as a financial advisor and consultant to him and that too was a success story.  She loved her home in Noank overlooking the ocean and spent time in between enjoying every sunset.
 
Mom was the finest woman I ever knew and the best friend I ever had.  She adored her Grandchildren - Stephanie, Sheily, Glenda, Rosie and my handsome son Jack Walker Scott Boyden, (Jack after me, Walker after my Mother, Scott after my Brother and Boyden after my Dad).  In the last few days Scotty has cried enough tears to fill an ocean.  
 
Mom would have wanted us to celebrate her life... like we are today...not morn her death.  On Sunday, she was surrounded in a sea of love.  Her grandchildren, Scott, Amy, myself, friends, and so many of the Harrington Court Staff, where there in love.  In only 6 short months, Mother had made a huge imprint.  Neither Scott,  Amy,  or I, could walk in, without one of the beautiful Staff approaching us with a wonderful story.   They grew to adore her.  Even in her state of dementia, she knew exactly what she was doing ! One day, one of the Nurses said to Scott, that one of the patients that Mom had befriended over her stay there, was very jealous with her that particular day.  When asked why it was "...because she gets so much attention” !  Mom would say so often to the Staff, "... The only 2 things that I ever did right in my life were my 2 children”.  Her biggest wish was to have Scott and I love and respect one other...Mom, I think your wish has come true !
 
No matter how you prepare, death blindsides you.  Mom would have celebrated her 90^th Birthday this August.  Many of you helped to celebrate her 80^th Birthday with us.  Ironically Sunday, the day God took her, was my Dad’s 93^rd Birthday.  We suspect he was calling her to come celebrate with him in heaven...and she decided to go !  She is now pain free and surrounded by so many loved ones who passed before her.
 
I am trying to breath and process the emptiness.  My heart is breaking.  There are no words to explain the void that losing a parent leaves...especially a Mother.  The reality now, is knowing that you are next in line...and that everyone now depends on ‘you’. 
 
We are all getting through this by leaning on a lifetime of precious memories.  Our Mother was wise and wonderful.  She could turn frowns into smiles.  She was kind and giving and humble and her beauty glowed from inside to out.  She will never know how many lives she has touched.  She was a brilliant business woman before it was fashionable to be one.  She broke the glass ceiling before women even realized there was one to be broken and anyone who was fortunate enough to know her, lived more happily ever after !
 
Mom, until will meet again!
 
God Bless You !
 
Forever,
 
Jackie and Scott 
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